


No surprises, please

by bloodandpepper



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Armitage Hux Needs A Hug, Dorks in Love, Drama and Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Injured Kylo Ren, M/M, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Plot With Porn, Weird Love Confessions, artefact hunter Kylo Ren, because why not?, blood a lot of blood, body issues, idiots trying to get their shit together, like totally, tags have changed with every chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-08 14:22:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11648358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodandpepper/pseuds/bloodandpepper
Summary: Armitage Hux learns a thing or two about the nature of surprises and how they unerringly seem to involve Kylo Ren. Not that he'd planned on any 'involvement' with him in the first place, but sometimes you find yourself being the source of the biggest surprise of all.





	1. how to brew caf

If Armitage Hux could name one thing he hated the most among many, many others, he would not have to ponder for long: Surprises. From the bottom of his heart, he detested being surprised - mostly because it implied either the lack of foresight and planning, or simply being struck with bad luck. He was never really able to decide which one he disliked more, so these two took the following place atop his imaginary ‘I hate this’ list, together. And in case anyone would wonder about the nature of Hux’s surprises: They had the tendency to be unpleasant ones – at least 99% of times.

One of these unpleasant happenstances currently blocked large parts of the bridge’s main viewpoint: With its black wings folded neatly into an upright position, the command shuttle drifted slowly in tandem with the _Finalizer_.

“General, Sir, the _Rhadamanthys_ is asking clearance to land.”

That name.

Hux could see the corner of his mouth twitching downwards in distaste as he regarded his reflection in the transparisteel. Leave it to Kylo Ren to christen a shuttle like that; drama and tragedy at its finest. It was also within Ren’s usual eccentric style to board said ill-named shuttle without further notice and disappearing for almost three standard weeks, only to emerge out of thin space exactly that moment Hux’s star destroyer got ready to jump into hyperspace.

And that’s the reason why the General himself had to be bothered with something as mundane as _docking procedures_ : Only he could delay the order for the jump. The urge to point a more or less veiled ‘fuck you dear Lord’ in Ren’s direction by just slipping away right now was stronger than he expected it to be.

“General?”

Mitaka’s voice shook him out of his reverie.

“Delay the jump, Lieutenant, get it in. And do it quickly.” He was positive that half of the bridge’s crew had been able to hear the grinding of his teeth. He hadn’t had his second cup of caf yet and the morning felt ruined already. Now that he took a closer look at his face in the reflection, he started to wonder if he had already looked that tired at the beginning of his shift. He knew he had lost weight, but he hadn't realized it was quite so visible in his features.

 “Jump to hyperspace as soon as the docking is complete”, he ordered, hands still firmly clasped behind his back. “I’ll be in my office.”

After all, his crew didn’t deserve to suffer his sour mood, and there was no denying: Not only did he look exhausted; he actually was.

He nodded at Mitaka’s “Affirmative, Sir” and turned on his heel. The moment the doors closed behind him, Hux dropped into his chair rather gracelessly and picked up his data pad, typing away his frustration.

_‘I’m awaiting your report within the next hour.’_

There was no reason in being polite with the likes of Kylo Ren, given the fact that the guy had the social intelligence of burnt toast. He had to chuckle inwardly at his own petty little joke, but he couldn’t help it; dealing with Ren on a constant basis took more patience and willpower than he could currently muster.

 After the fall of Starkiller it, had been hard enough to install some semblance of normality: Gathering the remaining troops, reorganizing supply routes, and regrouping the fleet took a lot of effort. The First Order was still running and he was a crucial element in all of this. Hux hadn’t spared much thought about his co-commander throughout his absence for his so called ‘training’ until he reappeared from one day to the next: Unmasked and…restless.

Restless like himself.    

Leaning back in his chair with a deep exhale, he allowed his eyes to slip closed for a moment.

He could’ve sworn he had only been out for one or two minutes, when the buzz of an incoming message startled him awake, but his chrono insisted that 34 minutes had passed. Dragging a hand across his face to collect himself, he opened the comm channel with a swish of his finger, and stared at the new notification for at least two more solid minutes. Embarrassingly enough, the message consisted of three meagre words that failed to make any sense, no matter in which context Hux put them.

_‘Be my guest.’_

For another moment he asked himself, if his little blackout may have triggered and alternate reality he absolutely had no grasp on, but before he was able to question his sanity any further, Hux typed his answer.

_‘Brace yourself.’_

He was sure that the deep, rumbling laugh resonating inside his head wasn’t an aftershock of his half-hour power nap when he finally switched the pad off and put his greatcoat back on. His steps were echoing through the hallways as he made his way to his destination.

Enough surprises for today.

 

 ...

 

The doors to Ren’s quarters opened before he was able to announce his presence. Annoyance and uneasiness mingled together to form a tight knot in his throat. Yes, now that he thought about it: These Force tricks definitely took place #3 upon his list. Swallowing in order to get rid of the unpleasant feeling, he stepped inside.

Ren wasn’t one to dish out invitations to his private rooms, so Hux had no idea what to expect, but his assumption was that Ren wasn’t exactly the type of person to invest much in interior design.  

Passing through a dimly lit hallway, he followed the smell of what only could be freshly brewed caf, and into the Livingroom.

Hux could have imagined a thousand different scenarios about what these quarters might look like, but nothing could’ve come close to what he was now faced with.

His first tentative summary was: What a colorful, yet strangely organized mess.

The room opened towards a large transparisteel front – pretty much the same as in his own quarters, but instead of a solid, but boring couch with an accompanying table, there was an arrangement of cushions made from coarse looking, printed fabric lying on the floor next to an worn leather armchair. A massive black chest served as a table, while off-white paper lamps casted an ambient light. And, for Kriff’s sake, where these actual living potted plants in the corner? _Unregistered botany on his star destroyer_ , the nagging voice in the back of his mind insisted.

What really caught his eyes though, were the shelves that flanked the room: On these wooden boards sat a collection of _stuff._

Hux normally prided himself in his eloquence and ability to catalogue situations, but he was at a loss when it came to all these things he was confronted with right then. When his mind finally caught up with all the visual input, the collection could only best be described as a cabinet of curiosities.

This wasn’t just stuff. These where artefacts of all sorts: Thick books with broken spines, machineries that could be musical instruments made from bone, colored vials holding creatures afloat in amber liquid, carved stones of different sizes, ornaments chiseled with incredible details, various skulls of creatures he’d never ever been seen before, delicate crowns made of tiny feathers, clay figurines that looked at him with huge, dead eyes – and was this a winged dick carved from wood?

He took a step closer for inspection and flinched when an amused chuckle caught him off-guard.

“Good to know that you have a liking for early Nabooian fertility rites.”

Right; Hux had completely overlooked the one thing that truly ruled out all other oddities: Kylo Ren, standing in the doorway with nothing but a loose, worn shirt and some leggings, cup of caf in hand. His wet hair dripped onto his shoulders and it took Hux some willpower to not let his eyes follow the trail the drops left, when they slid down his throat to his collar bones, disappearing beyond the seam of the shirt.

He was well aware that he was staring, but dressed down like that, Ren looked…alive? No, not just alive, he looked approachable. Human. And given the setting: Almost charming. But Hux would rather have his tongue cut out than admitting any of this.

“It may astonish you that knowledge about these items isn’t exactly my forte.” Good, his tongue seemed still to be in working order. Nonetheless, Hux began to wonder where all his anger and pent up frustration towards Ren had dissipated to. He came here to rant and now he found himself standing in the middle of this strange kaleidoscope - and it was him that appeared to be out of place.

Like a blind spot in a sea of colors.

As a strategist, he knew what to do in case you are outnumbered by forces way stronger than you.

“Thank you for your invitation, but it was a mistake to come here. Have a nice day, Lord Ren.”

Retreat. Retreat and collect your powers – it’s as simple as that.

There were a myriad of different emotions playing on Ren’s face in shockingly openness: Surprise, disappointment, anger.

And more prominent than all others: _Hurt_.

That was the one that brought Hux’s movement to a sudden halt. Ren seemed to think hard about something to say; reconsidering his course of action, because he opened and closed his mouth a few times. In the end, he just looked up and held Hux’s gaze.

“I made some caf.”

It was as if those three words broke some invisible spell.

“…you made some…caf”, Hux stumbled over the words, incredulous amusement lacing his answer.

“I could feel your annoyance the moment I set foot on the _Finalizer_.”

“And inviting me over and offering me a drink would sooth me, you think?”

“It kinda worked, didn’t it? At least you’re not spitting accusations in my direction.” He held out the cup for Hux to take, a small smile on his lips. “Consider it bad timing, or bad luck, whatever you prefer. It wasn’t my intention to rile you up, Hux.”

And being a General, Hux identified a peace offering the moment he saw one. Accepting the offered drink, he cocked his head when Ren stepped to the side and gestured for him to take a seat with an open palm.

“I would prefer neither; both are unfortunate in equal measures”, Hux said while deciding to sit down in the armchair. The pile of cushions was beneath his dignity. He took a tentative sip and eyed Ren over the brim of the cup.

“Thought so”, Ren muttered and absentmindedly raked his hand through his damp hair, as if it was some unnoticed habit of his.

_He really is a strange being,_ Hux thought, _so full of contradictions: All harsh lines and soft edges_. Funny how his inner traits seemed to reflect themselves on his outward appearance. There was no harmony in him, no ounce of symmetry. Hux put the mug down on the worn surface of the chest. But wasn’t there a saying that even in chaos beauty is immanent? Kylo Ren was the embodiment of chaos.

“Your caf is lousy.”

Chuckling, Ren turned towards a sideboard, where a pot sat along with a few ill-matched mugs and poured himself a cup. He was back in a few, long strides and reclined on the cushions with a grace someone of his height and sheer body mass shouldn’t be able to possess.

“You drank the whole cup.”

“That’s an act of courtesy. Good guests don’t complain.” Hux slid further down the armchair, crossing his legs. Damn, this ugly, old thing was comfortable.

“You _are_ complaining.”

“No, I’m stating the truth.”

“Hux, you are a jerk.” There was no malice behind his words and that persistent little smile still danced around his lips.

“Why am I here, Ren? Even if I take into account that you actually did want to smother my anger about your petty, little stunt: This can’t be the only reason. So, if you would care to enlighten me.” Hux twirled his right hand to underline his words, a challenge clearly shining bright in his eyes. Actually, there existed a counterpart to his ‘I–hate-this’ list, and _challenge_ was placed on the top spot of it. Maybe this was the only part that made dealing with Kylo Ren bearable: He provided challenges again and again.

It was kind of fascinating to watch Ren’s smile morph into a lopsided grin.

“You’ve caught me, General.” With the flick of two fingers, an item wrapped in rough linen slid from the chest towards Hux’s lap, who fished it out of the air before it really made contact. “I’ve got something for you.”

Hux eyed the lump in his hands suspiciously: Kriff, how he hated surprises. On the other hand, there was one thing that appeared to be present on _both_ of Hux’s mental rankings of pleasant and not-so-pleasant things: Curiosity.

Damn it all.

Carefully he peeled away layer after layer and in the end, a simple, lacquered bowl appeared between the folds of fabric. It was of a certain craftsmanship, but it seemed, for a lack of a better word: Archaic.

“Oh thank you, I always yearned for an earthenware fruit bowl.”

After all, if nothing makes sense, sarcasm is a heavy shield to hide behind. When Hux moved to place it on the chest again, he noticed that Ren flinched away as if the mere presence of the bowl would physically hurt him.

“Keep it on your side, please”, he rasped through gritted teeth, and again, the bowl was floating to Hux’s lap.

“Ren…?”

Exhaling through his nose to steady himself, Ren’s smile was back in place, though a little bit strained.

“This is the most powerful Light Side artefact I’ve ever encountered, Hux. Don’t make me touch it; moving it through the Force is hard enough.”

“This thing?” He turned it in his hands to inspect it closer.

“Yes. And thank the Maker that you are as Force sensitive as a durasteel elevator door.”

Normally something like snorting was not within the range of Hux’s reactions, but right now he couldn’t help himself.

“Honestly Ren, what is this? It’s certainly not a fruit bowl.”

“No it’s not. Remember our ice-breaking discussion about Nabooian fertility rites? Well, some cultures on Ralran 3 have something similar: They collect the placenta of every group member in a bowl to present it to the Gods.”

This was the moment Hux almost let the artefact slip through his fingers. He caught it again and eyed it with open disgust.

“I have no word in my vocabulary for how gross this is.”

Ren was outright beaming at him; he clearly enjoyed Hux’s uneasiness.

“Sure. But this bowl collected the essence of life over the course of centuries. That’s why it is so strong in the Force. Hux, this piece of clay is of immeasurable worth. At least for any Force user.”

Resting his head on one hand and holding the priced item in the other, Hux levelled him with his best stare. “And what has this got to do with me?”

Now it was Ren’s turn to get uneasy, as he averted his eyes and started to pluck at the seams of the cushion he was sitting on.

“I want you to be its keeper”, he finally admitted in a soft voice. “I can’t be around it, it…aggravates me.”

Hux had to close his eyes for a moment.

“Wait, the one thing I fail to understand is: Why don’t you hand this oh so wonderful treasure in Snoke’s care. He surely knows how to handle those.”

If Ren had been uneasy before, he was clearly terrified now. His whole posture began to shrink into itself and his eyes were invisible behind the fringe of hair that veiled his face like a curtain.

“He doesn’t know.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “Those trips of mine, or stunts as you called them…I do them on my own –it’s as if something is calling me out over and over again.” His head snapped up suddenly and there was an intensity in his dark eyes Hux had never seen before.

“I have to, Hux. I just have to. Master Snoke mustn’t know.”

What a strange, strange creature he is, Hux thought. Whenever he was positive that he may have figured out the basic concept of _Kylo Ren_ , he did something to make him reconsider all his previously well-sorted facts. Ren did not fit into any category. He more or less handed him the key to his own destruction willingly, because with knowledge like that, Hux could crush him quite easily.

“Please, Hux.”

Holding his gaze, Hux found something he was not prepared to find: There was trust in his eyes. Trust, and something unfathomable.

Oh, what beautiful chaos.

It was not really a conscious decision - and that alone should’ve ringed more than one alarm - when Hux’s lips formed the words.

“Okay.”

 

 ...

 

Ren actually learned how to produce some decent caf over the next few months whenever Hux stepped by to scrutinize his newest findings. He would never admit it to any living soul, but Hux started to grow fond of these meetings. Right now he sat relaxed in what appeared to have become _his_ armchair, while Ren finally stored his new treasure away among the many others on his shelves.

“Tell me, Ren, why are the items of the dark side so horribly trashy most of the times.” He didn’t need to open his eyes to see Ren swirling around his axis in indignation.

“Because they aren’t trashy! They are just more on the gloomy side…” His gaze drifted one last time to the animal skull with the embedded purple gems that replaced the eyes. “…maybe they are a bit eccentric”, he said with a pout.  

“Whatever lets you sleep at night.” Hux could not keep the nagging singsong out of his voice. He opened his eyes when Ren flopped into the mountain of cushions next to him. It was already deep into the night circle and it was hard to ward off sleep when one felt so comfortable. He regarded Ren through half lidded eyes when the other produced a small paper box of thin air and shoved it right into his hands.

“Lovely, let me guess, another entrails-soaked artefact for me?”

“Not exactly”, Ren answered with a throaty chuckle. “Open it, it won’t bite, I swear.”

Folding back the lid, Hux stared at the assortment of pastries that shone deliciously in the half-light of the room. He had to swallow and suppress the urge to just grab one and start devouring it. His sweet tooth would be the end of him one day.

“Who told you about this? It was Phasma, wasn’t it?” The Captain was the only one knowing his exact birth date and delivered a medium sized cake in shockingly regularity every year.

“Hux, chill. No, it wasn’t her. I just noticed.”

“You didn’t snoop around in my head, did you?” Hux was wide awake now.

“You always think that others can’t read you, but you are mistaken”, Ren continued. “It’s all in your eyes, you know. They give you away. You like sweets, but rarely eat them for reasons that are beyond me.”

“Ren, in case it escaped you: We are at war. I can’t indulge in something decadent like that on a daily basis; I have to keep up standards.” Eying the contents of the box warily, his features softened. “Though I do appreciate your attentiveness.” Picking up one piece he started to eat it slowly.

“You’ve lost weight, you know.” Ren’s voice was small and he looked at his crossed feet below him. Hux just froze mid-motion. Without looking up Ren continued. “You’ve neglected yourself a bit and if some sweets can help you to feel better, then why not. I just want you to be okay.” The last words had been rushed out, as if he was running out of air.

Hux felt the little hairs at back of his nape stand to an end as he fought hard to suppress a wave of nausea.

_Thin as a slip of paper. And just as useless._

The words echoing inside of Hux’s head were worth a lifetime of pain and it was so hard to get rid of them. He tried, Maker, had he tried. Even if the words he had just heard from Ren’s mouth held the opposite meaning, he instinctively shied away from them.

Sensing his turmoil, Ren’s head snapped up in confusion. “Hux? Are you...” He wasn’t able to finish his sentence.

Hux put down the pastry with shaking hands, stood up and turned towards the viewpoint. Resting his hands against the cool transparisteel centered him somewhat.

Ren was able to see the tremors in his shoulders as Hux fought to reign in his anxiety.

Nothing was heard except his heavy inhales and exhales - and Ren’s fevered ‘I’m sorry’s.

 

...

 

When Hux finally woke, he was not in his own bed, but he recognized the smell immediately: Ren. It smelled like Ren. He had no memory about how he got there in the first place, but the duvet wrapped around him felt so nice, he decided to take it with him, when he finally mustered the energy to step into the living room.

The lights were down to a few percent, but the stars from the viewpoint were casting shadows over Ren’s sleeping form. He’d taken the armchair to sleep in, with his long legs propped up upon the chest. Hux sat down on the pile of cushions Ren would normally occupy; his duvet fanning out around him like a cloud.

Ren’s face looked peaceful in his sleep – even though the circles under his eyes spoke of a bone-deep tiredness. Dragging both hands across his face, Hux tried to analyze why he let the situation derail like that. He had not had a panic attack like that in ages, decades actually. The last time was during his academy years, when he was bullied and a jibe struck too close for comfort. He had stayed hidden in a maintenance room until he was able to face the world again.  

He’d let his guard down around Ren, that’s all. When Ren had more or less thrown his trust at him, he gradually started to trust him in return. Until he got too close.

“My demons came to haunt me and I let them”, Hux whispered into the thick feathers of the cover.

“My demons come haunting me, even if they damn well know that I’ll fight them.” Ren’s voice was hoarse from sleep and he was looking at him with tired eyes, and that stupid, small smile of his on his lips again, no matter the circumstances.

“Our demons could go fuck themselves.” Hux was sure his face mirrored Ren’s little smile pretty well.

The pastry box was still sitting upon the chest as he reached out for it. Fishing his abandoned piece out, he resumed eating it with an appetite he hadn’t noticed being there before.

“Like, totally”, was Ren’s only remark, as he watched him contently.

When Hux finally fell asleep on the heap of cushions, Ren’s stupid little smile never truly left his face.

 


	2. the crown

 

Ren made him reconsider his opinion about surprises – and that in and of itself was nothing short of a surprise – but Hux started to accept that they could have indeed nice outcomes from time to time.

Right now, he was shrugging out of his uniform jacket, then got rid of his boots and let himself down onto the cushions with a sigh. It was rare for him to have the urge to peel out of his clothes, but the day proved to be tiring and way too long. He was exhausted and worn, so he almost welcomed Ren’s offered cup of caf as Heaven-sent. He hated admitting it, but Ren had really improved his brewing skills. Downing his beverage with savored sips, he watched Ren pacing the living room, still wearing his full battle attire sans helmet, robes swishing around like the wings of an overgrown bird.

“…and then the beast disappeared and I just stood there like an idiot. I took the artefact and ran. Hux, I had to leave the other one behind, there was no time to head back and fetch it, too!”

 His hair was falling over his forehead and he raked a hand through it in frustration. It was indeed a subconscious tick of his, Hux had learned over the course of time. Ren’s locks almost reached his shoulders by now; Hux noticed, and decided that he was inclined to like them like that. In regards of aesthetics, they were a counterpoint to Ren’s sharp chin.

“The artefact is only fully functional with the accompanying orb, you know? I was so close to getting it! I just haven’t expected that beast to be Force immune!” Tugging his gloves free, he threw them onto the chest carelessly and resumed his enraged stride.

Hux took another sip, lost in thought. Ren really moved like a warrior: Centered, effective and powerful. It was his robe that added the dramatic touch, not the moves themselves: His control over his body was en pointe – that’s where his odd grace stemmed from. They both were roughly the same height, but no Force in the galaxy would be able to provide Hux with such elegance. It was captivating. 

“Hux, are you even listening?!”

Frankly spoken: No, he was not, not at all; his mind was stuck in limbo.

“I’m sorry, Ren, it has been a long day. My thoughts wandered off,” he admitted, levelling him with a silently apologetic gaze.

Huffing in indignation, but being pacified somewhat, Ren stole one cushion from the pile and sat across him, long legs folded neatly under him.

Like a raven in a nest that’s way too small for him, a voice in the back of Hux’s head insisted.

“What are you smiling about?” Ren asked tentatively.

“I’m not smiling.” He could feel the corners of his mouth turning upwards even further, but whatever.

“You really are out of it today, aren’t you?” This was more of a statement than a question, so Hux didn’t bother answering to that.

“Come on Ren, what kitsch have you brought home this time? Another glitter covered skull? Some diamond crusted harp that only Force users are able to play?”

It was one of the unsolved miracles, how Ren managed to pout and roll his eyes all in one; a really expressive stunt, so very _him_.

The object floating to Hux’s hands was neither: a perfect circle made of forged metal that could be oxidized silver, worn thin over ages and ages. It was pretty in its simplicity.

“A crown for an uncrowned king.” Ren’s eyes were ashine; sparkling amber and this unfathomable spark was back in them. “Strong in the Dark Side, created to rule and order.” He took the crown from Hux’s hands and turned it between his fingers so that it glistened in the indirect lights of the room, catching highlights of dark green now and then.

“I wish you could sense its energy; it’s breath-taking.”

Hux was mesmerized – not so much by the artefact itself, as by Ren’s reaction to it, so he was caught off guard when Ren leaned forwards and gently put the crown on Hux’s head.

He could feel a shiver running down his spine. Goosebumps were running up his bare arms and an involuntary gasp escaped him. Never before had he felt the presence of the Force in any of the items Ren had put into his hands, but this time it was as if a tidal wave resonated right through his core.

Ren shifted closer in astonishment, the back of his fingers tracing over Hux’s cheekbone as he whispered into his ear. “You can feel it. That’s it, Hux, that’s the Dark Side.”

Fisting his hands into Ren’s cowl, he tried to steady himself; he was drowning and flying and burning at the same time. He wasn’t able to tear his eyes away from Ren, because finally, finally, he saw what he had always jokingly assumed. Kylo Ren was pure chaos: The magnificent, black center of all and everything around him, like a personified black hole that bent time and space.

He was the most terrifying thing Hux had ever seen and yet he couldn’t help being drawn to him. When Ren cupped his face with his hands, he welcomed the touch.

“…does it always feel like this…the Dark I mean?” Hux was still fighting for air, and his fingers began to hurt from clawing into the fabric too hard, so he moved to hold onto Ren’s shoulders instead.

Caressing his cheeks with his thumbs, Ren’s breath was ghosting over his face.

“Yes and no. It’s different every time.”

Hux wanted to ask a thousand questions, but their close proximity smothered his thoughts. His body was singing with energy, Ren’s hands on him being the only anchor to reality. He knew this feeling of molten lava in one’s veins: It was desire. Passion.

“You’re beautiful”, he heard Ren whisper as his hands followed the lines of Hux’s throat further down his torso. He didn’t know when the situation morphed into _this,_ but he didn’t care for now. He sank deeper into the cushions and buried his hands into Ren’s black hair, drawing him in closer. He wanted this, _Maker_ , how he wanted this.

Shoving up his shirt, Ren trailed kisses up his sternum while his fingers found a nipple to roll in small circles until it peaked. When his lips finally started worrying the other nub, Hux was gasping down air in uneven gulps.

His back curved like a bow as Ren started pulling softly at them with his teeth, one after the other, in a choreography only he knew. Hux felt arousal settling low in his stomach, and he dimly knew he should probably be embarrassed about how fast and easily he succumbed to Ren’s ministrations. He was only as much as playing with his nipples and he was already coming apart at the seams.

The grip in Ren’s hair tightened as Hux pulled his head up with a sharp tug. He didn’t expect the moan that left the other’s lips. Unexpected, but not unwelcomed; he stored this knowledge away for later. Whenever later was. 

Never ceasing the firm hold on his tuft of hair and only mere inches apart, Hux words were a puff against Ren’s parted lips.

“Slow down.” 

No iris was visible in the dark depth of his eyes, but a spark of recognition told Hux that his order registered somewhere through the heat and want.

Ren gasped, and tried to span the small gap that separated their lips, but the hand in his hair held him back unforgivingly. 

“You’re beautiful”, Ren rasped again. “So beautiful.”

Silencing him, Hux let go of his grip and their kiss was more of a collision than anything else, yet it softened as he tugged Ren down with him into the cushions.

Hux had never considered himself to be much of a kisser; his previous intimate encounters were always reduced to the more…baser acts, so it took him by surprise that he followed the dance of Ren’s lips with delight and raw hunger. At least he was a fast learner, as he let his hands roam the other’s broad back and swayed along, trying to memorize the movements. Feeling Ren’s body cover his own with its weight should’ve by all means felt oppressing, yet Hux cherished the heavy heat pushing up against him, stealing his breath even more.

Coming up for air as if half-drowned, Ren cradled Hux’s head in his large hand, mussing up the once neat hairdo around the circlet of the crown. He smiled when he brushed over the fringe that suddenly fell over Hux’s forehead.

“What do you want…tell me, Hux,” he asked, his voice a deep rumble that resonated in Hux’s bones.

He wanted a thousand things, and half of them at the same time, but his mind abandoned all his precious eloquence and siphoned everythhing to a simple, single: “You.”

_Cheesy, oh so cheesy,_ the still functioning part of Hux’s brain told him _, but no less true_ , the other, more primal one countered in a hushed tune.

Hux gaze lingered on Ren’s kiss-swollen mouth, and he wasn’t able to hold back the finger that traced the plush lower lip. The moment Ren started to first nibble, then suck at his middle finger, drawing it in bit by bit, Hux made up his mind.  

“I want your mouth on me.”

Smiling around the digit between his lips, Ren actually managed to look both predatory and amused.

“Whatever pleases his Majesty,” he whispered when Hux finally let the finger slip from his lips with a wet sound.

Hux really tried to be offended, yet instead the words only added to his growing arousal and he had to swallow down a moan.

Diving in for one, last harsh kiss, Ren proceeded to make his journey down the outstretched length of Hux’s body, stopping to bite at his sharp collar bones over the fabric of the bunched up shirt before he licked his way further south.

“Don’t hide your pleasure.” Ren’s words were barely audible when he raked his nails across Hux’s ribcage, leaving red lines in their wake, and finally settled his large palm over the bulge between Hux’s legs, gently applying pressure.   

He tried to keep in the choked “ _Hnnn”_ that escaped his throat, but Hux was beyond caring, and Ren’s whispered encouragement seemed to have loosened his tongue. Lifting his hips to meet the touch, he spread his legs further apart in silent invitation, and Ren read the gesture as what it was: Opening Hux’s pants, he brought his head down to mouth at his cock through the layer of underwear, trailing nibs and kisses along its outline. The fabric gathered moisture where he leaked precome, and a shudder jolted Hux’s body when Ren so much as breathed against his wet tip.

There was no use in holding back his moans, so Hux surrendered himself to the onslaught of stimuli, clawing at the cushions below him to occupy his hands. He considered burying them into Ren’s hair again, but he didn’t want to pressure him: Now it was Ren who set the pace of this little game, and he was more than happy to play along.

It was obvious that Ren knew what he was doing when he let his hand slip below the underwear and palmed Hux’s erection with coarse fingers, stroking up and down expertly in even tugs, slowly freeing his cock from the restricting clothes with his other hand, letting the waistband rest below Hux’s balls. Placing sucking kisses to the head, he gazed up, searching Hux’s eyes.

_You okay?_

For the first time, Hux was glad for Ren’s ability to snoop around other people’s brains. He wanted to answer, he really did, but again, words failed him, so he just exhaled a half-groan, nodded and reached out one hand to trace the sweaty line of Ren’s eyebrow with shaking fingers.

Never ceasing eye contact, Ren went down on him, swallowing his cock until the head met resistance at the back of his throat. Hux would’ve expected him to retreat, but instead Ren opened up to let him slide down further, taking him to the root. The pleasured scream was stuck in Hux’s throat and all he could do was bucking up helplessly.

Ren was a sight to behold: With his big nose buried in the pubes at the base of his cock and a steady gaze that seemed to burn like wildfire, he was magnificent. Ethereal, yet so very real at the same time.

And again: What a pleasant surprise.

Maybe it was the completely wrong time to ponder the nature of the many, many surprises that followed Kylo Ren like shadows, but being able to give head like a Coruscantian whore was an addition to them Hux would have never considered in his wildest dreams.

When Ren finally drew up for air, he graced Hux with his lopsided grin, licking clear liquid from his lips before he went down on him again, installing an even rhythm, while rolling Hux’s balls in one of his large palms. 

This time Hux did scream. 

Abandoning his pervious resolve to keep his hands to himself, he carded his fingers in Ren’s hair and dictated the pace and depth he preferred – and Ren followed without complaint as he took what he was given, all pliant and docile.

 Hux wasn’t able to tear his gaze away from the mouth that swallowed down his cock, lips stretching to accommodate its girth, while Ren seemed to have a hard time breathing if his garbled groans were any indication. He was dimly aware that he was more or less face-fucking Ren, and their soft blow job did indeed take an impressive turn, but he wouldn’t have been able to stop this race even if he tried.

It was a race Hux was about to lose, and for once he welcomed his defeat. Feeling the pressure rise and rise until it crested, he held Ren in place when the shockwaves of his orgasm made his vision go fuzzy. Only then did he notice Ren’s gurgled choking, so he let his hands slip free and watched him emerge from his wet-glistening cock, swallowing down the remaining seed.  

Hux was still breathing heavy, but this lewd spectacle made his breath catch in his throat, and he dragged Ren up to meet him in a deep kiss. There was no need for bloomy descriptions: Ren tasted like the bitter tang of sex, and Hux had the sudden urge to devour him. Instead he kissed him harder, let his tongue roam, licking away the last traces of their deed. When Ren’s hands were in his hair again, he leant into the cupping palms, finally breaking for air.

Hux felt the metal band around his head dislodge under Ren’s caresses.

With a melodic clang, the crown fell to the floor, rolling away into the dark corners of the room.

And again a spell was broken – only this time without the utterance of a single word.

The world snapped back into focus, and the energy that surrounded him like a cocoon fell away, leaving Hux vulnerable. He saw the situation as it was: Kylo Ren crouched above him, lips spit-wet and hair disheveled, a perfect mess with the smell of semen wafting around him, and himself bare, half naked with his genitals cooling in the space between them.

Terror and panic started creeping up his spine and he hurled himself sideways, untangling their limbs with frantic moves, scrambling to his feet while he struggled to straighten his clothes. 

Ren ended up sitting on his backside, staring up at him with wide, frightened eyes.

“You...,” Hux hissed through clenched teeth, feeling his hands ball into fists at his sides. He tried frantically to sort out the weird situation, but one thing ruled out all other impressions: Never before had he felt so _exposed_.

“I never meant…this wasn’t my intention…Hux…” Ren was rambling, pleading.

Staggering away from him, Hux tried to calm himself, but his instincts were kicking in: Without another word, he turned and fled the quarters as fast as his feet carried him.

Being left in a battlefield of scattered pillows, Ren sat frozen in time, staring at the spot where Hux had been only moments before.

Lying discarded in the shadow of the corner, the crown looked more like a device made for inquisition, waiting mutely for the next time it has to lure out the truth of its wearer.


	3. all about you

His caf had already turned cold again, and Hux regarded the oily surface of the brewage in disgust. He was seldom really satisfied with the cantina’s caf quality, but never before had it tasted so repulsive – he just filled his cup every time out of sheer, bad habit and put it onto his desk, in order to slowly grow cold and stale. Picking up the cup nonetheless, his own reflection greeted him in uneven waves, as the liquid sloshed around, disfiguring is features and he almost felt as alien as he looked.

He missed Ren’s caf.

What a nice half-lie, he had to admit to himself, when he finally set the mug down again and gazed out of his viewport, watching unnamed stars drift by. The other, truer part of the half-lie haunted his waking hours and shooed away any proper sleep at night.

He missed Ren.

Several weeks had passed since their…encounter, and he still struggled to make sense of it. His embarrassment-fueled anger had vanished as soon as he was back in his quarters, but digesting what had happened between them obviously took some time. It wasn’t as if Ren had forced himself upon him – quite on the contrary, he enjoyed it immensely - but that damn crown let him loose control, made him forget his true self.

_Or maybe…_

The one, unspoken thing that lingered on this thought was: What if this artefact hadn’t clouded his mind at all, but lured out to bright daylight what was stored away deep inside? Things he never truly admitted to himself: That he was attracted to Ren. That he desired him. Cared for him.

What if the crown was just a mere catalyst for all of this?

And here he was now, burying himself in work, hiding in his office or patrolling the bridge, even if it wasn’t necessary, to avoid any confrontation. But without confrontation, no solution would be possible, his strategist’s side knew perfectly well.

The worst part was: Ren kept to himself, too. Not a glance, not a word, no nothing in all that time.

Leaning back into his chair, Hux started to draw small circles across his temples, trying - pretty much in vain - to chase away a headache, while his mind never ceased its reeling.

Maybe Ren regretted their little tryst and preferred to carry on as if nothing ever happened? Maybe he had all of this crown-scenario set up to make his intentions clear and was now disappointed by the lack of feedback? Or maybe chances were high that all of what developed that night was just a perfect storm and Ren was just as utterly confused, as Hux was himself. To make matters worse: They both had to tend to their bruised egos by shutting themselves away from each other.

_What a mess._

Hux opened the top drawer of his desk to fish out the capsule holding his painkillers. He swallowed the pill dry, closing his eyes as he waited for the drug to set in.

He was playing a main part in this problem and he detested _being part and cause of any problem_. Maybe he should include that in his list of things he hated – it was definitely among the top ten of these unpleasant conglomerations.

The chirping of his communicator startled him from his musings, and he barked a, “What is it now?” before the intruder had any chance to voice one word.

“Captain Phasma speaking, General. I’m sorry to interrupt you, but the _Rhadamanthys_ is back in hangar four.”

That was strange.

“The Colonel already informed me for her arrival, Captain.”

“I’m well aware, Sir, but…there…it…” Her words stumbled and that alone was a rare occurrence. Hux’s migraine was almost forgotten; his instinct told him that something had to be off when his straight forward Captain didn’t know how to approach a topic.

“Phasma?”

“Sir, it might not be within my authority to state the following, but some patrols have reported that there’s a trail of blood leaving said hangar to end at Lord Ren’s quarters. And, Sir, I’m not speaking about a few droplets.”

Hux felt his stomach knot in cold apprehension. He was dimly aware that Phasma quite surely new about his frequent meetings with Kylo Ren and maybe even their recent fallout, but what really got him onto his feet, was her unmistakably request of _‘Go, and hurry!’._

He was on his feet faster than his mind had been able to muster a proper reply. Slipping into his greatcoat, his hip caught at the edge of the desk and he watched his cup tumble and fall as if in slow motion. With a dull clang, it broke, its contents forming an ugly puddle on the polished floor. Hux stared at it for a second, before he turned on his heel.

_More bad omens._

He was almost out of the door, when he reached for his communicator again.

“Thank you, Captain.”

He didn’t hear her answer if there was any; he hurried on, uncaring of anyone who might see him running through the Finalizer’s endless corridors.

Hux’s blood was soaring in his ears, when he made it to Ren’s quarters. Normally, the door would slide open untouched – the testimony that Hux was welcomed – but now he stared at the red-smudged fingerprints on the access pad. Hammering in his override code, Hux strode into the room as if on autopilot; with a few, long strides he crossed the hallway and entered the Living room.

He was breathing hard, when he found Ren collapsed in his armchair: He was facing away from him and seemed to clutch his left shoulder, completely frozen in motion, but upon a closer inspection, the slow up and down of his chest told Hux that he was alive.

He took a tentatively step closer.

“Ren?”

Slowly, the head lolled in his direction, as if he wasn’t really able to control his movements. Ren’s features were ashen, covered in sweat and grime, but what took Hux off guard was the strange, wet gleam of his eyes, his gaze without any focus: He stared at him unseeing.  

“…you…,” he rasped, voice laced with pain, ”…haven’t left me… b’hind…”

A few more strides brought Hux to the armchair, where he reclined on the armrest, and from that angle, he was finally able to see where all the blood stemmed from: Ren’s left shoulder was one, torn wound that seemed to span from his collarbone, over his triceps and then back down over his shoulder blade – as if something had taken a bite: Something big and equipped with a mouthful of sharp teeth.

On any other occasion, Hux would’ve loved it when he was right about something, but in this very moment, he would give a fortune to be mistaken – only that destiny wasn’t as kind as it seemed; his premonition proved to be shockingly accurate. There was no need to ask, what had happened. Hux gently cupped Ren’s head at the base of his skull and let it rest against the crook of his neck. Without a hint of accusation in his voice, he stated what was so obvious to him.

“You went back. You idiot went back to that beast’s den, to get the other artefact.”

“...had…to…,”was Ren’s chocked off reply.

Sighing in exasperation, Hux activated his comm-line.

“Hux to med bay, I need an emer-“ his words were cut short as Ren’s hand clawed into his thigh painfully, and Hux mind was flooded by a stream of _No, don’t do this, Snoke mustn’t know, don’t call them, Snoke will know, if you do, Hux, please…_

On the other side of the line, his chief medic spoke up, worried, “General, is everything fine?”

Hux made his decision in a fracture of a second.

“Just some minor inconvenience, Doctor. Please send a medical droid to Lord Ren’s quarters.” To the unknowing ear, his request sounded almost friendly, but everyone who listened closer had to notice the steely undertone his words carried. A note that didn’t allow opposition and questioning.

“In a minute, Sir.” His officers knew how to read his veiled orders by now.

Ren’s breath was ghosting over his skin, when he whispered, “…thank you…”

“Idiot, you damn idiot,” Hux spoke into Ren’s sweat-soaked hair, carding his fingers through it – partly to sooth Ren, and partly to get his own anxiety under control that gnawed at his insides.

“…I know…’ve fucked up again, haven’t I…” A gasp finished the sentence and Hux felt Ren shivering in his arms.

“The droid will be here any second, hang in there, Ren.”

“..’m cold, Hux…can’t see a thing…”

“You’ll be fine, I promise, just hold on a moment longer. Talk to me, Ren, stay awake, hear me?”

Ren leant back a bit more, strands of hair clinging to his sticky forehead in uneven meanders, and he exhaled shaky puffs of air.

“…you were right… ‘bout me…right… from th’ very beginning.” Ren paused for a while, gathering his strength and licking his way-too-white lips before he continued, ”…heard your thoughts back then…’m a self-centered brat…I really thought…all ‘f this treasure hunt…is ‘bout the Force tell’n me something…’bout myself…” He had to stop again, and Hux had a hard time identifying the gurgling rumble coming from Ren throat as an attempt to laugh.

“…’m really stupid…’cause all ‘f this…isn’t ‘bout myself at all…” Ren’s whole body shuddered and Hux was able to feel his muscles going tense under his fingers, working in silent tremors. Grinding his teeth, Ren gasped for air and his head shifted on Hux’s shoulder, like he was desperately trying to wake from a bad dream.

“..’t wasn’t… about me…never…never was…”

His words came to a stumbling halt and his body fell limp in Hux’s embrace - like the doll of a puppeteer with its strings suddenly severed.

The hand of his injured side opened, and with a clear sound that tore apart the silence engulfing them, a small, vitreous orb slid across the floor, like an oversized marble from a child’s game.

It rolled and rolled until it hit the chest with blunt thud.

Only then did Hux notice that upon the scarred surface of Ren’s wooden box, sat that damn crown, still blinking idly in the reverberation of the window, as if to mock him with its mere presence.

Still fixing on the artefact, Ren’s voice was surprisingly clear in his mind.

_I’m so self-absorbed. I’m sorry. This was never about me._

_It was about you. All about you._

A dire whistle announced to arrival of the med droid to the quarter’s door and Hux flinched as if he was shaken from a nightmare – only that Ren still lay motionless in his arms, like pieta that knew no Gods.

Fear crept up Hux’s spine, and he didn’t recognize his own voice when he ordered the door to open.

 

...

 

The room still smelled of antiseptics and bacta, but with the sickly sweet tang of blood and sweat mingled in. Hux had to swallow down another wave of nausea – silent proof that his adrenaline levels finally started to drop. His hands where shaking slightly when he pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes.

Four hours.

Time was nothing more than a horrible mash-up of colors, sounds and smells. Yes, the concept of time is ambivalent by nature, but he’d never experienced it to be so…abstract. Like it had lost its frame, its fix star, and pulled him all in to be devoured by a giant hurricane, only to be spit out when this thin, wiry med droid beeped a single ‘STATUS: STABLE’.

Four fucking hours.

Hux felt his shoulders sag as the tension left his body gradually, and he let himself lean against the chest behind him, resting the back of his head on the surface, staring at the ceiling.

He rarely thought about the existence of any deity, or higher power, but today he’d come as close as never before to address them with something resembling a prayer out of sheer desperation.

Gods. Force. Destiny. Whatever they are called. All these constructs that elude any testing, any control – just existing because some more or less carbon based being made them up in order to fill their gap of knowledge or to dampen their fear of the future: He’d called to them, pleaded the Force to help him.

What an unpleasant surprise.

Hux was perfectly aware that this time, he himself was source of this oh-so-hated surprise, but he couldn’t help the tired smile that found its way onto his lips.

He’d called out to them – and they deigned to _listen_ , because, surprise of all surprises: Kylo Ren lay unconscious, but alive in his heap of cushions next to his own, sprawled out legs, breathing shallow, but steady, a woolen blanket thrown over his long, bare figure to shelter him from the chill, recycled air.

The constant whirring of the droid’s joints indicated that it was still fussing over Ren, and Hux dimly registered that he had to overwrite its memory as soon as possible, but right now, he was grateful for one moment of repose.

His breathing was already evening out and sleep seemed to be just around the corner, when his hand slipped from his lap and jolted into motion the little sphere that had lain forgotten on the ground until then, startling Hux awake again. He eyed it with a mix of mistrust and curiosity, as it sat gleaming alluringly in between the pillows. Ren had jeopardized his life to get a hold on this artefact and Hux found it borderline insulting how something so lethal could appear so innocent, but to be precise: It was the orb’s sharp-toothed guardian that injured Ren, not the orb itself. And it had been Ren’s decision alone, to take the risk.

 

_This was never about me._

The words came back unbidden, even though Hux did his best to ban them from his thoughts – and it had worked pretty well the past few hours, with his mind and hands occupied with keeping Ren alive.

Those cryptic words…as if he ever had any say in what Kylo Ren did and where he went. Actually, that had been the stepping stone that lead to many of their former confrontations, because Ren didn’t see himself answerable to him at all and always followed his very own agenda, until this trait had led them to their miserable downfall. Thinking about Starkiller still made Hux’s insides churn. 

Resting his elbows on his kneecaps, he buried his hands in his hair, mussing it up further. Through the gap between his arms, he regarded Ren’s sleep-relaxed face; searching an answer there, but finding none. He tried to be angry at him for throwing such riddles in his direction, but at the same time, he knew perfectly well that he was more frustrated with himself for failing to find a solution.

The med droid had finally retreated and put itself to stand-by mode, for what Hux was rather grateful, even though it was obvious that he wouldn’t have been able to save Ren without the help of it. If it would’ve been the wound alone, his academy med training in combination with an advanced emergency kit and large amounts of bacta pads would’ve done the job, too, but again, the equation was done without taking into account the nature of the beast that provided this nasty injury in the first place: The droid identified it as highly venomous, and Hux assumed that only Ren’s Force tricks were able to slow down the deadly effects of the venom for so long. The hastily generated antidote saved Ren’s life in the end, but waiting for it to start working was what stretched time to the infinite.

“That was a close call, you idiot,” Hux whispered, still studying his features.

Ren’s skin seemed almost translucent from blood loss and his bangs were clinging to his cheeks like inky tendrils, but other than that, the painkillers seemed to be in working order, granting him much needed sleep.

Hux felt as if his limbs had grown too big, too heavy to move, when he crawled back to Ren’s side, settling in a graceless heap, all body tension gone. It wasn’t really a conscious gesture when he watched his hand brushing the sticky strands of hair behind Ren’s ear. His thumb stroked over the outlines of his high cheekbones and Hux felt the heat of the fever radiating right under his skin.

“You would’ve thrown it all away for this stupid, little ball…” he spoke into the grey silence of the room, not expecting any answer.

Nonetheless, he wasn’t really astonished when a voice like a distant echo reverberated the words he so dreaded:

_It’s about you._

_All about you._

_All…about you._

The twisted smile that crept onto his lips felt bitter- and even tasted so. He gulped it down like his own, private poison, until he was sure that no trace of it was left on his face, then rearranged the cushions below and around him, and subsided next to the overheated body, enveloping it in a loose embrace.

He didn’t really care for any Gods, for any Force, no higher being. For him, they all returned to nothing in the end, right where they all emerged from, even if it seemed hard to deny their existence.  

Heavy like lead, Hux’s eyes slid closed.

Sleep overcame him like a mercy.


	4. the price to pay

He woke when the unyielding object that pressed against his right buttock became too hard to ignore, and even shifting into another position wouldn’t improve the situation anymore. With a grunt he untangled his arm from Ren’s side and rose until he rested on his elbows, twisting his hip sideways to reveal the culprit: Wedged between their bodies and the cushions sat the little sphere that caused all this trouble, and Hux hissed a heartfelt curse in his native Arkanian dialect through clenched teeth.

“Congrats, you’re a true princess.” Ren’s voice was more a croak than anything else, but it didn’t betray the genuine mirth that resonated in it.

Hux stared at him, torso still half-raised and mouth agape.

“What?”

“The fairytale, Hux.” He had to pause here, as talking seemed to exhaust him. Drawing in a deep breath, he continued, “The search for the one, true princess with the pea under the mattress.”

“I know you must’ve lost a metric ton of blood, but what in Kriff’s name are you talking about? And I’m no princess. I’m no nobility and pretty much…male.”

“I’m well aware of that.”

Hux was beyond the age where a comment like that would make him blush, but he was glad that the dim lighting didn’t transfer bright colors. Neither was he prepared for the toothy wolf-grin that graced Ren’s face, even if he was still lying flat on his back with his mop of black hair standing in every direction. It would’ve been almost comically, if it weren’t for his left side covered all up in rust-red stained bacta patches.  

“Your snark is back in place, isn’t it,” Hux countered while sitting up fully and stretching his sore muscles – only then did he notice that for all of Ren’s fast recovered talkativeness, he continued to stare up at the ceiling. With a hesitant hand, he leant over and cupped his face to turn it in his direction gently. When Ren’s eyes still failed to focus on him, he felt realization flood his mind like stream of icy water.

_Ren was still blind._

The moment panic started to crawl up over his skin, Ren’s hand covered his, so that they both kind of held Ren’s cheek – and again Hux was convinced that this situation should have been awfully funny and cheesy, but at the same time, he had to fight the urge to jump up and throttle the med droid, because obviously it hadn’t done its job well enough.

“It’s okay, Hux,” he spoke like he had to sooth a spooked animal, nuzzling into Hux’s palm. These small, intimate gestures - they suddenly became so normal, but Hux had no time marveling their appearance.

“Nothing is okay, Ren, nothing.” He tried hard to reign in his agitation.” The droid needs to re-analyze your status, it must’ve overlooked something, there has to be some remedy to…”

The hand covering his slid away and the tip of a forefinger pressed to his lips softly, letting Hux’s words run dry.

“There’s nothing to be done about it. It’s my price to pay.”

Hux felt anger bubble his way up from his guts to finally tighten his throat like in a chokehold, and it took all of his willpower not to explode in a furious rant. Instead he did what he avoided to do since the moment he first saw the sphere running across the floor: He picked it up to glare daggers at it. He half-expected to feel some rush of sensation, like last time, when he touched the crown – but the orb just fit into his hand, smooth and ambient like a mere piece of decoration.

“THIS is worth it?! You almost died, Kylo Ren. Tell me that this had to be worth it. And do so in words _making sense_ to me.”

He watched, as Ren gulped and started to fidget with the blanket, opening and closing his mouth a few times, searching for an approach and obviously finding none.

“I’m not good with words like you are. Never have been, never will be,” Ren mumbled.

“You’d been pretty talkative just moments ago, so how about giving it a try.”

“This is serious, Hux, not our usual banter.”

“Exactly, that’s why I want answers instead of this cryptic shit you’re dishing out. But maybe we can get this going if I start elaborating what I’ve figured out so far.”

Ren’s trademark smile re-appeared on his face and he relaxed fully into the cushions. A tiny nod indicated that Hux was free to start his assumptions.

“There’s more behind me being the keeper of some of your artefacts. I fail to grasp why, but I play a vital role in that treasure hunt of yours.”

“…not in the beginning, but, yes, you became the center-piece without me noticing it. I know this sounds weird, but it’s exactly like that.”

Hux started to turn the orb in his hand, playing with it absentmindedly – as if his whirring mind transferred to the movements of his nimble fingers.

“It’s what you are,” Ren continued, “Or more precisely, what’s around you. Hux, the first thing I noticed about you had been your weird presence in the Force. You are an absolute Force-null – and as such, you shouldn’t possess an aura like you have, but you just… _do_. You wear a halo like a bright cloak and the Force kinda…clings to you.”

“Aha. And that’s why I’m qualifying as a storage manager for your antiquities.”

“You are neutral, not bothered by the Light or the Dark. That’s the reason I handed the Light side artefact to your care – this and the fact that I trusted you enough not to tell Master Snoke. And I was right: You haven’t let me down, not once.”

“…I have been avoiding you in…how many weeks? Three? Four?” Hux said in a small voice, his embarrassment shining through.

“Three weeks and five days.” Ren deadpanned. “But my statement is still valid: You didn’t betray me in the end. You’re here.”

“This is your concept of romance, isn’t it.”

“That isn’t a real question, so I’m not bound to answer.”

“Idiot.”

“I love you.”

Again, the sphere was overtaken by gravity as it slid from Hux fingers and bounced over the floor a few times, until it came to a sudden halt, still swirling around its own axis. In the highlight of the viewport, it reflected the stars from above, creating a small universe of its own on the sparkling surface. When it finally stopped its momentum, Hux’s distorted face was visible in the polished glass: With eyes wide open and completely frozen, he sat in the pile of colorful pillows, staring down at the unmoving figure stretched out next to him.

Ren’s gaze was still trained on the ceiling, when his huffing laugh tore through the stretching silence.

“You haven’t noticed. For all of your brilliant brains, you can be amazingly dense, Hux.”

When Hux thought that the ‘surprise of all surprises’ would be Ren still being alive, he was now inclined to revise his former conclusion. Here he sat, his hair disheveled and falling over his forehead in greasy strands, greatcoat and tunic discarded hours ago, his bony shoulders shivering in tension, as he fought to come up with an answer.

Ren and his damn surprises.

“…for...how long?” He asked, barely suppressing a stutter.

“Does it matter? It changes nothing,” Ren retorted, trying to shift into a more comfortable position, grimacing in pain. “But it might please you to know that I’ve found you interesting from the very start. I’ve loved you for quite some time, but I’ve never known how much, until I placed the crown on your head. It…all fell into place in that moment, you now? From then on, my search made sense and I saw you as what you truly are.”

Hux tried to fight the rising panic and only his steel-like self-control honed over the years was able to ban this lifelong curse still echoing in his mind; this haunting damnation of _thin as a slip of paper and just as useless…_

It was Ren’s large palm cupping his bare upper arm in a firm, yet gentle grip that fished him back, grounded him and stopped the world from spinning around in circles.

There was unveiled adoration in his voice, when he whispered what Hux yearned to hear for as long as he could remember:

“You are much more than this; so much more.”

Out of instinct, Hux searched his gaze and something tore deep inside him, like a string suddenly severed, when Ren’s almost black eyes saw right through him.  

“You’re paying too much. Nothing is worth losing your eyesight,” Hux said bitterly, as he reached out to let his fingers ghost across his cheek in a softness he didn’t knew he possessed.

“I already told you: This isn’t about me,” Ren repeated, leaning into the hand, cherishing the intimacy of the gesture with an exhausted sigh.

Before Hux was able to ask the horribly fundamental questions of ‘how’ and ‘why’, Ren willed the crown to settle down on Hux’s lap with the tired flick of his wrist.  

“Take it. It was yours in the first place. I’m just its summoner, nothing more. I gambled in order to get it into my hands, but it was never mine to begin with.”

Hux let his eyes wander over the familiar item; unsure if picking it up would unfurl another maelstrom of events, like it did the last time.

_But it didn’t bring any harm upon me, did it?_

And as if to answer his unsaid pondering, Ren spoke up, “It would never dare to hurt you.”

With a hesitant nod, Hux curled his fingers around it, waiting for the rush of energy – and indeed it flooded his senses the moment he did as much as grace the surface, rendering him speechless in silent awe. The sensations were softer now, more muted, but no less intense; it was more like the artefact deigned to show him another facet of itself. Hux glanced sideways when he was finally able to control his movements again – and there it was: Fanning out down around him, appeared to be a corona that seemed to flow from his very being, pretty much as Ren had described it.

“It’s really there,” he rasped out.

“Of cause it is; it is part of you,” Ren answered in a weary voice, head lolling back, showing his sharp profile.

Hux had the urge to negate out of pure spite, but reality smiled right back at him in all of her colors, so he just heaved a shaky sigh and put the crown onto his head in one, fluid motion.

Ren’s eyes were closed with inky shadows lingering below them and his skin still had the nuance of sun-bleached parchment, but again, his petty, little smile that was so very _him_ danced around his lips and gave him away.

A shiver ran up Hux’s spine and he was positive that Ren’s gaze was on him, even if his ratio tried the hardest to convince him otherwise. He didn’t even flinch when his voice chimed through his consciousness not unlike the clear ‘ping’ of a sonar signal.

_You were born to rule. Rule above all._

_That’s why all of this is about you. It just took me some time to notice. If I wouldn’t be so selfish, I could’ve seen all of this sooner and my price for this realization wouldn’t have been so high, but, again, you were right about me: I’m indeed an idiot, so I have to pay my fee._

“I’ve never wanted any of this, Ren, I never asked for…” Hux’s words lingered in the air like a veil caught in a breeze, as the meaning of the words sank in slowly: If Ren was right, and he was indeed chosen by the Force to rule, it would be very, very clearly _against_ the current leader and with Ren handing him the final piece in this set of power regalia, it was obvious that he had chosen the side he wanted to stand on:

Kylo Ren had chosen him above his master.

His hands cramped into the fabric of the blanket, tearing loose the woven webbing, while the crown upon his head felt heavy as lead, bending his head down. He watched Ren’s breathing finally even out, falling asleep again peacefully. He looked weary and worn with his patched-up body weakened by blood loss and poison, but for the first time, Hux was able to see a beauty in his features he’d never seen there before: It was almost as if he’d morphed into another person from one moment to the next. Or maybe, just maybe, Hux’s altered perception of him let him recognize tiny aspects he had overlooked before.

Aspects as Ren’s love for him. Hux wanted to tell him a thousand things in return, but what really gnawed at his guts, was the fact that he wasn’t able to muster the courage to admit his own attachment to Ren. He had to sort this out somehow, had to learn to say the words he so dreaded. 

Everything was about to change and he would have to keep running and thinking fast, if he wanted to be ahead of all of what was surely bound to crash upon him.    

“That’s a bitter gift you’re bestowing me, Kylo Ren,” he whispered into the dark that settled around them, shielding them both from the world a little bit longer. He would have to come up with a plan – and the tingling electricity still coursing through his veins entitled him to be vaguely positive about the outcomes.   

Gazing out of the viewport, he watched the constellations drift by tiredly - unknowing that deep in the core of the small sphere that sat in the middle of the room, the universe that beforehand just mirrored on its surface, showed a gate to all the possibilities that were yet to come.

A world full of surprises.

Hux would’ve detested them with a passion.

But unsurprisingly: All of them included Kylo Ren.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to thank the handfull of people reading this and leaving comments and kudos! You all rock so much!
> 
> Writing this had been so much fun!


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